Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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