I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
