Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
