I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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