i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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