Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
