the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
