Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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