i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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