Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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