he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
