it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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