it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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