I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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