Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
