I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
