Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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