I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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