white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
