Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
