I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
