I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
