Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
