I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
