you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize