How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize