mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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