what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
