Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
