WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
