Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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