Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
