Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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