i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize