Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
