we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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