Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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