I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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