The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
