If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize