You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
