Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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