He had one of those small greek statue penises
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
