On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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