whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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