I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
