Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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