Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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