Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize