My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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