you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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