i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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