You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
