so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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