if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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