I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
