I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
