Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
