True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
