My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
