Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
