if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
