I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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