You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
